


drunk words are sober thoughts

by bombshellphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, Flirty Dan Howell, Fluff, Insecure Phil, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Never Have I Ever, Party, Party Games, Pastel Dan Howell, Pastel Dan and Punk Phil, Phil Lester Is A Sweetheart, Punk Phil Lester, Swearing, Underage Drinking, dan has a huge crush, it's a little angsty, phil gets upset, phil has a motorcycle, phil is rly sexy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 07:43:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15769647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bombshellphil/pseuds/bombshellphil
Summary: The opportunity of a life time comes in the form of Phil Lester actually showing up at a party, all tattoos and bright blue eyes. Dan's been crushing on him for far too long, so getting the chance to play Never Have I Ever with his crush? Yeah, he can't pass that one up. What could go wrong?





	drunk words are sober thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanna thank @auroraphilealis from the bottom of my heart for being the best beta and the best person ever. I couldn't have done this without you. You're a gift to this world.

Dan was, surprisingly, feeling pretty good. Despite his fun loud exterior, he actually didn't enjoy social events that much, but he’d had a red solo cup pressed into his hands early on, and hey, if he was gonna be at this dumb high school party he might as well do it right. Dan was already  flushed and sloshing his drink a little and his curls were in disarray, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

 

He’d all but forgotten why he’d even decided to come in the first place. He wasn't drunk, per say, but he had a happy buzz about his brain, and he was giggling in a circle with some other partygoers drunkenly attempting truth or dare, and he was actually having fun.

 

People hadn’t always been, well, the nicest to him, but here everyone seemed to be getting along. No one had so much as mentioned the fact that Dan was wearing pink, so that was a win in his book. He was laughing along with everyone, not really paying attention, and sipping his drink, feeling overall content. He was glad he’d decided to come after all, regardless of the reason why.

 

As Dan was laughing at a stupid dare someone had done, feeling happy and warm and buzzed, it happened: _he_ walked in.

 

Speak of the devil.

 

The very reason Dan had come here, he remembered now. How could he not? Dan watched _Phil Lester_ settle into an empty corner of the room in awe.

 

Phil leaned against the wall nonchalantly in his signature leather jacket, looking cold and ethereal and _so_ attractive with his perfectly messy blue-streaked quiff and ripped black jeans. The party lights were glinting off of his piercings and casting shadows off his cheekbones, and Dan could hardly breathe. Dan couldn’t believe he was _here_. Phil never came to parties.

 

Dan had had a secret crush on Phil for so long, ever since he'd started secondary school. He'd even gone to a few parties at the beginning of secondary school hoping to find Phil there, but Phil had never showed. Dan had long since come to terms with the fact that he’d probably never had a chance anyway, so he’d never tried to search out Phil in any way again.

 

Until now.

 

Dan knew it was silly and childish, but he’d heard Phil Lester was actually going to be at this party, so here Dan was. It really took him back to his early years, when he’d pined for _ages_ hoping somehow they’d bump into each other and Phil would finally notice him for the first time, like a stupid romcom. He’d been telling himself he was over it, over Phil - he’d even dated around - but suddenly the talk of the school was _Phil Lester_ going to a _party_ , and he just hadn’t been able to help himself. This was the exact scenario he’d been dreaming of, wasn’t it? Dan hardly felt he had any choice _but_ to go, regardless of the fact it wouldn’t change that Phil was way out of his league.

 

Phil was older and gorgeous and clearly hardcore. He was sure to have cool punk girlfriend who was just as hot and intimidating as Phil, someone he could get tattoos and piercings with, someone fearless and kickass. There was no way Phil would choose Dan over someone like _that._

 

Soft Dan with his pastel-esque aesthetic didn’t stand a chance. He knew that. It didn't stop him from wishing, though, or fantasizing that somehow Phil would notice him, that he’d win Phil over with clever remarks and humor, or just that Phil could possibly be interested in such a soft pastel person like Dan at all.

 

Besides, Dan didn’t even know if Phil was _into_ guys. He didn’t know if Phil was into girls, either, but society's default seemed to be _straight_ so that was all he could really work with unless Phil showed him otherwise.

Dan’s tipsy mind caught up to reality moments too slow, and before he even had the sense to snap his mouth closed at least, Phil Lester’s piercing blue eyes caught his over the rim of his cup. Dan felt his face flush bright pink, but he couldn’t look away. Phil’s gaze had him pinned. Fuck, this was happening. Phil quirked a perfectly arched, pierced eyebrow at him and held his gaze as he took a drink. A shiver ran up Dan’s spine as he watched Phil’s adam’s apple bob up and down. Fuck, Phil was _gorgeous_. Dan was so absolutely fucked. He would’ve done anything to be in between that wall and Phil Lester right then.

 

Maybe tonight was Dan's chance to try, though. He was young and stupid and tipsy, what could go wrong? He'd never know if he didn't make an attempt.

  
"Dan? Earth to Dan, hello," came a giggle from his left, a blonde boy Dan couldn’t quite remember the name of, interrupting his internal peptalk. Dan blushed at being caught. He reached to fix his hair, suddenly finding it in himself to care about the way his curls were laying.

  
"Hm?" was all he could manage, slowly dragging his gaze away from the piercing blue one. More giggles erupted.

 

“We’re playing a new game, are you in or not?”

 

Dan just nodded, looking around a bit. The circle had expanded a bit, and they were taking this game a little more seriously it seemed. Fresh drinks were being passed out as people settled into position.

  
"Did _someone_ want to invite Lester over here? We're gonna play never have I ever, which is so fun by the way," a girl with smeared lipstick, Katie maybe, asked the group.

 

Suddenly, Dan became acutely aware of many pairs of expectant eyes on him. _So maybe they’d noticed that little moment,_ he thought sarcastically. Some people were openly gawking at Phil like he had three heads. Dan hoped he didn’t look like that when he looked at Phil.  

  
"I can't believe he's here," came a hushed voice right next to him, the person excitedly slapping Dan’s arm and staring in awe at Phil. Dan cringed internally. He could feel Phil looking at him, could see his lips quirking up the tiniest bit in amusement. He hoped whoever this embarrassing person next to him was knew that Phil was looking at _him_ , not them.

 

Dan shrugged them off, trying to seem nonchalant like those hadn’t been his exact thoughts just moments ago, though.

 

“Yeah, I will,” he said to the group after no one made any move to actually invite Phil over.

 

 _Fine,_ Dan thought, _more opportunity for me._ So Dan turned back to Phil, who was still watching him with a kind of detached amusement. Dan, feeling particularly brave, fueled by hope and cheap alcohol, caught Phil’s eye directly and crooked his finger in a “come here” motion.  

 

Phil narrowed his eyes, and for a second, Dan thought Phil was actually going to ignore him, but after a moment of hesitation he made his way over. He lingered at the edge of the circle to Dan's right and watched Dan with an unreadable expression.

 

If Dan hadn't been drunk, he probably would've been afraid of the look Phil was giving him. But he _was_ drunk, and all he could think about was how hot Phil was, looking all intimidating.

 

Phil shifted around closer so he hovered just behind Dan, and Dan didn’t know it was possible to be so aware of someone else without even touching them.

 

“Why did you call me over here?” he murmured, lips just behind Dan’s ear. Dan couldn’t fight the shiver that ran up his spine once again. Phil’s mouth was _right there_. Even sober Dan’s mind would have short circuited.

 

“We-we’re playing never have I ever? And I-- Everyone wanted to know if you wanted to play too?” Dan’s face was absolutely _burning,_ and everything was coming out like a question, but _fuck he was really talking to Phil Lester._ Phil leaned back, and Dan peered at him over his shoulder, feeling the loss without them ever having physically touched. Phil looked taken aback, and very skeptical about all of it.

 

His eyes were narrowed as he stared at Dan.

 

“Why?” Phil’s voice was so _low_ , Dan shivered at the deepness of it, at the way something deeper and darker ran through it that he couldn’t quite read.

Everyone in the circle was looking at them now. It was as quiet as a drunken party could possibly be. Phil looked even more uncomfortable, and he had his eyebrows raised at Dan expectantly.

 

 _Why?_ Dan couldn’t think of a response to that. Dan could only stare, as his drunk brain tried to understand why Phil was so serious about this. A nervous laugh escaped his lips and he could only shrug. _Because he’s Phil Lester? He’s hot as fuck? Anyone would die to get to know a little bit about him?_

 

Dan’s skin prickled at the close proximity to Phil. This first encounter wasn’t going how he had dreamt. He was sure he looked like a tomato, and he couldn’t think of anything clever or memorable to say. Fuck, he needed more vodka.

 

Phil pressed his lips together at Dan’s laugh, and didn’t wait for anything more. His expression was still drawn in suspicious confusion, but he accepted the hesitant offering of a cup anyway. Suddenly, everyone was giddy to begin, to see if Phil was actually going to play along with them, and what he’d _say_.

 

Phil settled into a gap around the other side of the circle.Dan couldn’t help feeling disappointed. _Oh well,_ he thought, _at least he had an amazing view._

  
"Never have I ever… had sex in a public restroom!" someone started after the whispers about Phil had died out. Giggles echoed throughout the circle as quite a few people took a shot. Dan watched Phil closely, but Phil just sat there looking mildly amused.

 

Dan was pleased at that, as he didn’t take a drink either. He liked to think he had _some_ morals left. Although he had fantasized about Phil pulling him into the school enough times to know that wasn’t the case. Phil’s eyes flickered to the side, briefly catching Dan’s before he frowned slightly and looked at the floor again.

  
  
"Never have I ever given a blowjob," some guy wearing a letterman jacket said next, beginning the game in a clockwise direction.

 

Dan snorted at that. O _f course you haven’t you dumb straightie._ Dan, on the other hand, had given plenty, and even if he hadn’t he’d spent enough time daydreaming about getting Phil’s dick in his mouth to feel like it would count anyway.

 

Dan’s eyes found their way to Phil then. God, he knew Phil had to be _packing_ in those gorgeous tight black jeans. Dan’s eyes traveled up the long, tense expanse of Phil’s body, up his gorgeous pale throat, which was stretched back as Phil took a shot.

 

_Holy shit, Phil Lester just took a shot._

 

Phil glanced around almost nervously, eyes catching Dan’s again when Dan let out a disbelieving laugh.

 

Phil might actually like boys, and that changed _everything._ Dan had to step it up now, now that he knew he maybe actually had a sliver of a _real_ chance. He could feel his chest light up with hope in spite of himself. All those fantasies and daydreams could _happen._ The lust filled ones of Phil absolutely railing him, sure, but also the ones about holding hands, and soft kisses and cute dinner dates, and cuddles. It could all become a reality. All he had to do was go for it, hardly had a choice now, really. This opportunity had fallen into his lap: Dan had decided to come to this party, to play this game, to invite Phil to join in once he’d shown up. Dan was never one to believe in fate or anything, but he _was_ hopeless romantic, and this seemed like it was just _meant_ to happen.

 

The rest of the group was murmuring, just as surprised as Dan apparently, but no one said dared to say anything to Phil for real -not even letterman jacket dude who looked affronted. Phil just looked uncomfortably down at his cup as he swished his raspberry vodka around.

 

He only looked up at Dan again after a few moments, having felt the direct stare. Everyone else was just glancing and then looking away quickly, but Dan… Dan couldn’t look away if he wanted to and it had clearly attracted Phil’s attention

 

This time, Dan looked into those pretty blue eyes and _winked_ , dramatically and flirtily as he brought the cup up to his lips, willing himself not to make a face at the stinging taste of alcohol as he swallowed it down. _Whoever got a blowjob from Phil was a lucky man,_ was all he could think, focusing on Phil’s lips, Dan could _feel_ Phil’s gaze on him but he couldn’t look away from those pink lips that were popped open the slightest bit.

 

The game moved on. The girl next to letterman jacket went for an even more sexual _never have I ever_ , and the whole house seemed to grow distracted from Phil’s admittance to giving a blowjob the drunker they got. People were admitting to much dirtier things. Dan was kind of glad for that, though his own gaze hardly left Phil. He watched as Phil only took one or two more drinks as sillier and weirder questions came up. Dan took quite a few in comparison, becoming increasingly surprised at how much more experienced he was than Phil. Or maybe Phil was just trying to stay _mysterious_ , maybe he just didn’t want a repeat of the all the staring. Dan couldn’t blame him there. The more alcohol people consumed, the stranger they seemed to get, the less intimidated by Phil they got, and the more Phil seemed to withdraw into himself. Dan didn’t like that one bit.

  
"Never have I ever… kissed someone with a tongue piercing,” someone said, and the entire room stopped to turn and stare at Phil. Dan’s eyes scanned the room, narrowing as he realized everyone was looking at Phil again. Dan’s gaze darted to Phil’s face instantly. He watched as Phil seemed to shy away from the group, eyes narrowed, and biting his lip like he didn’t want to admit to the fact that _he_ had a piercing. Dan’s drunk brain was a little slow, but it dawned on him then.

 

Fuck, Phil had a tongue piercing. Dan had never kissed someone with a tongue piercing, he’d hardly even thought about it, but _now_ he’d like to, especially if it meant getting to kiss Phil Lester. Dan wondered what that would feel like, having that little piece of metal glide against his tongue... against other places...

  
"Phil, you have a tongue piercing right?" someone else shouted from the middle of the circle, before Dan could say anything. Dan’s eyes snapped to them, and then back to Phil, who was looking increasingly uncomfortable.

 

Phil noticeably moved his tongue in his mouth before giving one hesitant, skeptical nod. Did he think people were judging him? Was that why he looked so unsure and uncomfortable?

 

Before Dan could stop himself, drunk mind beginning to think this was a good idea, he blurted out, "Hmmm, you know Phil, I really feel like I wanna take another shot, you want to help me out with that?"

 

“C’mon Lester, kiss him! Give him some tongue action!” A girl yelled out, sloshing her drink everywhere as she laughed. Dan smirked at Phil, trying to catch his eye while the people around them laughed and teased while whistling or making obscene sounds before taking their shot or not.

 

Phil didn’t look up though. He just stared at the floor right in front of Dan, avoiding his gaze for one reason or another. Dan wasn’t sure why. He just wanted Phil to know people weren’t judging, people liked it. Dan certainly did, at least.

 

Phil seemed like the type to who'd say to fuck off if something was wrong, though, so Dan figured it must be alright. Figured that must just be how Phil was. Still, a small part of his brain - the part that wasn’t already drunk - was still voicing concerns. Was Phil just not into him? Did he not actually like guys after all? Or was he just embarrassed to be flirted with so openly? Dan couldn’t imagine Phil as _embarrassed,_ though. As far as Dan knew, Phil had just never really been open about his sexual exploits. Dan had paid very close attention to any and all gossip about Phil, but there had never been a word about _that_ , not even close. Dan was beginning to realize just how little everyone, including himself, actually knew about Phil. No one really knew when or if he had hooked up with anyone, and they only knew _now_ because Phil had just admitted to giving a guy a blow job.

 

Pushing the thoughts away for now, Dan turned his focus back onto the game. He had a tendency to overanalyze, he knew that. And besides there were only a couple turns left until his, and he had to think of something good. Something that might _finally_ get Phil’s attention. It was getting closer, but Dan couldn’t focus on the questions. He was too busy trying to think, and he kept getting distracted by the bits of ink flowing out from under Phil’s clothes. The tattoos.

  
"Never have I ever fucked someone with tattoos," he blurted out the minute it was his turn. He watched as Phil brought a hand up to his neck where some of his tattoos peaked out from under his jacket. Dan licked his lips.

  
"Though I'd really love to." He added. His voice was a little wistful, a little more uneven than he would have liked. God, he really would love to just see Phil’s tattoo’s, to trail his fingers over every line, to hear the story behind each one, press his lips to them. Dan was suddenly snapped out of his daydream as loud kissy noises erupted from around him, all dissolving into laughter after only a couple moments.

 

“Gee, Lester, maybe you and Dan should get a room!” someone called, the words punctuated by a whistle from somewhere else. These people must be so far gone if they’re actually teasing Phil Lester right now.

 

“There’s probably an open room upstairs. You could fix Dan’s little problem right up, couldn’t you Lester?” Dan was giggling along, just a little. He could hardly bring himself to look at Phil, almost too embarrassed about secretly hoping Phil would pull Dan up those stairs and have his way with him.

 

Phil didn’t look up at any of their crude comments though. He just frowned into his drink with his hand still at his neck. Dan felt a little put out at that, Phil didn’t look up to even laugh at the group’s antics with Dan. Phil didn’t even look up at the people yelling to him, though.

  
"Never have I ever…. Uhm.. Called someone daddy, like, sexually," the girl next to him giggled, after everyone settled down a little. She even had the audacity to be eyeing Phil a little. _Oh, hell no,_ was all Dan could think. This bitch was _not_ about to swoop in and steal this from him. He watched her bat her eyelashes at Phil, and couldn’t help but to scoff. _As if._ If anyone was gonna get with Phil Lester tonight, it was Dan. He had to win Phil’s attention back and make it very clear that he was staking his iclaim.

  
"I haven't, but I can see someone I'd like to call that very much," Dan commented loudly, very obviously trailing his eyes up and down Phil’s dark figure. He sat back with and a smug smile settled on his lips, happy to have broken this girl’s eye-fucking moment.

 

The people around them laughed some more, because they're all very drunk and silly at this point, but Phil's head snapped up and he looked right at Dan. Finally, Dan had gotten his attention. He was in the middle of internally cheering when he registered the _look_ on Phil’s face. Phil had his eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared - not exactly the response Dan had been hoping for, but maybe Phil was into it and embarrassed? Dan decided to lay off him for the next couple questions, very conflicted and confused at his reactions. _Phil probably wasn’t used to getting teased like that, that’s all,_ Dan reasoned with himself, _nobody has ever talked to Phil like that before, probably._ He wasn’t listening to his mind’s other suggestions, he couldn’t. He wanted to see this through, wanted to try. He just hoped Phil was into it, that he wasn’t _mad._

  
"I guess I haven't really done much--" Phil started nervously. Hs deep voice brought Dan out of his thoughts.

 

Dan held back a groan at the words, the sound of Phil’s voice. God how he wished for that sexy, gravelly voice to be in his ear again. He could listen to that voice for _hours._ And he couldn’t wait for whatever Phil was going to say, to learn even just a little more about him.

  
Before Phil could actually say anything, however, Dan found himself speaking up.

 

"I could help you with that." Dan interjected cheekily, and people laughed. They would’ve laughed at anything he said, though. He was getting sloppier as well, flirty comments spilling from his mouth without thought anymore. Phil's jaw just clenched and he looked off to the side.

  
"--but never have I ever kissed a boy."

 

Almost every person in the circle took a shot. Dan was surprised. Maybe Phil was straight after all? Unfortunately, Dan didn’t seem to have much control over his mouth at this point, because he spoke again before he could stop himself.

  
"Really? I could _definitely_ help you with that," Dan giggled, and he couldn't find it in himself to regret saying it. How had Phil given a blowjob, but never _kissed_ a boy?

 

When he looked up flirtily at Phil from under his eyelashes, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t the death stare he got. Phil looked angry, intensely so. His perfect eyebrows scrunched together, jaw set tightly. Dan blinked dumbly, distantly thinking that Phil looked really hot behind the fact that he looked very intimidating and like he could punch Dan at any moment.

 

Dan was about ready to bolt when Phil pressed his lips together and shook his head softly, standing up to leave. Dan would have been relieved if he hadn't caught the look on Phil's face when he turned.

 

He looked… hurt. His face had fallen into something almost defeated. So as Dan watched Phil's leather clad back make its way to the door, he found himself stumbling up after him.

 

The room was wobbly and there were people everywhere. Suddenly Dan was feeling much too drunk and claustrophobic to be inside, but most importantly he wanted to find Phil, so he made his way outside, the way he saw Phil go. He'd never seen such a vulnerable look on Phil's face. He wanted to both see it and make sure it never made an appearance again.

 

When Dan finally burst out the front door, after accidentally knocking into a girl and spilling her beer all over her and little on himself, he's struck motionless at the beauty and the stillness of it all out here. Inside was a sweaty, drunken, messy place, and nothing felt real or like it might have _consequences,_ but in this quiet night air he knew that there were, and he had to face them now.

 

It was a beautiful crisp night. There were small groups scattered around, cigarette smoke curling into the cloudless sky. Dan was sobering up slightly as the cold air hit his lungs and ruffled his hair. Quiet laughter echoed up into the night like the smoke as he stepped off the porch carefully and peered around. Maybe it was weird that Dan was following him out here, Dan didn’t know Phil, but he knew he had to apologize at least. Or get punched. Or something.

 

Dan hoped there was another reason, that Phil wasn't somehow homophobic or something. That the blow job thing wasn’t some joke. Or maybe that would be better than if he just plain wasn't into Dan. Maybe Dan could play it off as a joke, but as he crossed his arms over his sheer long-sleeve pink crop top, he knew that wouldn't be super convincing.

  
  
Finally, he spotted Phil. He was sat under a yellow streetlight on his matte black motorcycle, facing away from the house. It looked like he was playing with something in his hands, his helmet maybe, and suddenly Dan knew he wasn't just angry - there was more to it. The haunting picture of Phil sat there, a hunched figure sat on a sleek bike in the dim yellow light, burned itself into Dan's mind. And then, Dan found himself walking towards Phil, still a little bit drunk. _Good_ , he thought. He needed the courage.

 

Dan's feet paused at the edge of the circle of yellow light, however. His breath clouded like smoke and twirled into the air in front of him. What now? What could he even say? _So much for liquid courage_ , he thought bitterly.

 

Phil was speaking before he could even open his mouth.  
  
"What do you want, Dan? To make fun of me some more? No point, your little friends aren't here." Phil's voice was hard, bitter almost, but it didn't match his defeated posture. Dan frowned, struck speechless yet again. Phil thought he was making fun of him? Why in the world would he think that? He had to know how stunning he was, right?

  
"Phil…" Before he could even think of a real response beyond that, Phil stood up and faced him suddenly.

  
"You feel so cool and accepted when all those people laugh at your jokes, right? Like you really needed to be cruel to get some cheap laughs? That'll be your ticket to popularity," Phil's tone was mocking. He stepped closer and closer to Dan as he spoke.  "It is kinda funny, I'll give you that. That this soft pretty boy would really want anything to do with some weirdo outcast loser," Phil scoffed in his face, eyes cold. " _Daddy_? Really Dan, I mean come on."

  
"Phil--," Dan tried again, drunk brain still a little lost. Phil thought he was pretty?

  
"I don’t want to hear it. I came here thinking, oh maybe I'll give it a shot, maybe I'll make some friends, maybe I won't have to be alone all the time, but then almost as soon as I get here I'm being mocked. Why is it always like this for me? I should've known better, to think I might have a chance at anything _normal_. So, fuck you. Stay away from me." Phil turned away at that.

 

Dan felt his eyes stinging with tears. He scrunched his face up and willed himself not to cry, not here, not now. Phil Lester was yelling at Dan in the street. This whole night was such a flop, but it wasn’t just that. Dan had made someone feel like they were being made fun of, something he knew all too well. Dan had sworn to himself he’d never _do_ that to someone, never make them feel like that. He just hadn’t been able to see past his haze of lust and _feelings_ to see that was exactly what he’d been doing all night.. He’d just wanted Phil to notice him, to know how Dan felt about him. He had to try and make Phil understand that, even if Phil didn’t feel the same way.

  
"Phil, please, wait I didn't mean it that way. I would never make fun of you-- I've had a crush on you for-- I wasn't trying to-- It wasn't--" Dan couldn't get his mouth to spit the right words out. Tears welled up and threatened to spill from his eyes. Fuck, this was just getting worse.

 

But Phil paused a little, and that was all that Dan needed.

  
"Please just listen. I can't--" Dan's voice cracked, and he let out a sad little frustrated sound. He couldn’t get his mouth to work. "I really am interested in you. I think you’re ama-amazing. I-I was flirting for real--"

  
"Just leave me out of whatever games you're trying to play, okay?" Phil said, cutting him off, starting to walk away again.

 

Dan just couldn’t. He couldn’t let Phil leave and really believe that.

  
"Phil, _wait_." He reached forward desperately, trying to catch Phil's sleeve to make him stop, make him listen. His drunk feet were a little less coordinated than planned, however, and they tangled with each other stupidly.

 

There was nothing Dan could do.

  
"Oh--" he said. He was going to fall right onto his face, right in front of Phil, and _this night had really taken a turn for the worst_ , was all he could think.

 

Suddenly, Phil whirled around, arms reaching out blindly around Dan's waist before he could fall, and pulling Dan close, steadying him against Phil's chest. Phil's eyes were wide as he stared down at Dan, whose hands had come to rest on Phil's broad shoulders.

  
"Jesus Christ, Dan. You really need to watch what yo--," Phil's harsh tone abruptly cut off when he noticed the tears that had began to leak from Dan's eyes, the look on his face. "Are you okay? Oh, oh Dan don't cry, please don't cry. I'm sorry, I'm, oh," Phil's hands came up to Dan’s face, wiping gently at his cheeks.

 

This was such a sudden change from Phil's cutting words, Dan didn't know what to do. He was gonna get whiplash with all the changes like this. Phil sounded so frantic, Dan would almost call it adorable, if he could think at all.

  
"You called me pretty," was all that came out of his mouth.

 

Pressed against Phil's chest, Phil's gentle hands on his cheeks, Dan had a breathtaking up-close view of Phil's pale angular face, and with Phil staring down at him with those intense blue eyes, Dan could hardly think. This meant Phil did care about him, at least a little. He hadn’t let Dan fall, and that had to count for something.

 

Phil still had him pressed to his chest, only he wasn't saying anything. He was just staring at Dan, looking confused and worried, his eyes searching Dan's face, and it was almost like he might kiss Dan with the gentle way he was cupping Dan’s face.

 

The moment was broken when Phil scoffed without any malice, and took a step back from Dan, hands falling around Dan's waist once again, making sure he was steady enough to stand on his own before stepping back further. There they stood in the crisp fall air, under that yellow streetlight, and Dan could only think about how Phil looked beautiful in this light. He was starting to think Phil looked beautiful in every kind of light - if he did in the school's ugly fluorescents, he certainly could anywhere. And Phil was looking at Dan too, almost shyly, nervously bending his hands in awkward ways.

  
"Phil…” Dan started. “I really wasn't trying to make fun of you. I was-- I'm drunk and I get flirty and I was just saying the first things that came to my mind. Things I normally would have thought, but not said. I really do think you're lovely. I just wanted you to know that." Dan fiddled with his sleeves, pulling them over his fingers and wiping at his eyes. He looked up through his wet eyelashes, half expecting Phil to tell him to fuck off again, but Phil was smiling at him, just a little, almost sheepishly.

  
"I'm sorry I got defensive. It just… doesn't seem realistic that someone like you would be interested in someone like _me_." Phil's eyes were on the ground, and he kicked at a rock on the pavement. That broke Dan's heart a little bit. What did he mean someone like him? Dan reached for Phil's hand, and it should've been weird for people that had hardly interacted before this, but it felt right in the moment, so Dan did it.

  
"I really have been interested in you for a while. In hindsight, maybe drunk at a party wasn't the best way to come onto you," Dan laughed a little. "I'm sorry about that. But did you know you're kind of intimidating?" Phil smiled at Dan softly, giving his hand a squeeze before dropping it.

 

Dan understood. Phil couldn’t vocalize it, but things were okay now.

  
"I was mocking you when I called you a pretty boy, y'know." Phil teased suddenly, turning away toward his bike with a smile. Dan was grateful for the lighter mood change.

  
"No you weren’t! You think I'm pretty, Phil Lester. Admit it!" Dan sang happily, bouncing around to stand in front of Phil once again, careful not to trip this time. Phil was smiling fondly, a little confusedly too.

  
"Alright, Dan Howell, you're pretty." Phil spoke softly, reaching up and brushing a curl that had fallen onto Dan's forehead back into place. The backs of his knuckles softly trailed along Dan's cheek, and Dan leaned into it happily.

  
"You're pretty too, Philly." Phil looked shocked then, like no one had ever called him pretty before. That was a shame, Dan thought, someone so lovely should hear it. "And you're hot as fuck," he added on, because he was a cheeky shit, and the moment had gotten a little too serious again. Phil rolled his eyes then, dropping his hand away from Dan's face.

  
"You're pretty drunk still, huh?" He laughed, peering at Dan from the side with a playful look.

  
"No, I'd say I'm tipsy at best," Dan replied, laughing a little, "This cold air is doing wonders." He crossed his arms and shivered a little, as if he’d only just realized how chilly it was outside.

 

Phil was sliding his arms out of his leather jacket before Dan had even finished speaking, and held it out in front of him. He had a white long-sleeve Rolling Stones shirt on underneath that didn't look particularly warm, so Dan hesitated. He'd put Phil through enough tonight, he didn't need to give him hypothermia too.

  
"Oh, Phil you don--" Dan began to protest, but Phil rolled his eyes and stepped forward, throwing the jacket around Dan and holding it closed against his neck.

  
"C'mon, don't make me put your arms in there myself. It's cold, I can't believe I let you go this long without anything. As cute as that top is, it doesn't provide much warmth, does it?" Phil looked so earnest and concerned, Dan could only stare in awe and slide his arms into the sleeves. It was roomy and still a little warm, and Dan adored it.

  
"I think it looks better on you than it does on me anyway," Phil said as he rubbed his hands up and down Dan's arms.

 

Dan blushed a little but stuck his tongue out at him.

  
"Literally not possible."

  
"You wanna go somewhere?" Phil asked suddenly, electric blue eyes lighting up with excitement. Dan liked the happy look on Phil. He liked it _a lot._

  
"What, now? Where would we go, it's like 2 in the morning," Dan laughed, feeling giddy. He was actually talking to Phil Lester, the town "bad boy", the hottest boy Dan had ever seen, who turned out to be kind of a sweetheart. And he wanted to take Dan somewhere. Dan wanted to pinch himself. This was _happening._

  
"It's a surprise!" Phil laughed, sliding his hand down Dan's arm into Dan's hand. Dan was having a hard time processing all of this. Maybe an hour ago he’d still been fantasizing like he had been for _months._ Minutes ago Phil had been _mad,_ but now Phil was smiling at him with sparkling eyes, and _holding his hand._ God, Dan prayed to anything out there that this was real and that he wasn’t tripping out somehow.

 

Dan hadn’t been expecting this, and he’d also never counted on the fact that Phil would want to take him somewhere on his _bike_.  

  
"O-on the motorcycle?" Dan cursed himself for stuttering. He didn’t wanna seem scared. He wanted to seem cool like Phil. He wanted to be fearless and adventurous for him, but he’d seen those law commercials about motorcycle accidents, seen all the videos, and he was scared.

 

Phil was looking at him with his eyebrows raised and his lips pursed, but he was holding back laughter rather than anger.

  
"Aw, what happened to little old brave Dan that was at that party? Don't tell me you've never ridden on a motorcycle before," he teased, but his eyes danced with affection. Maybe Dan hadn’t ruined anything after all.

  
"Sh-shut up! Maybe I'm worried you're gonna take me to your favorite murder spot and kill me!"

  
"Dan, I'm a very safe, experienced driver. I'd never intentionally put you in harm's way, I promise." Phil’s voice was unexpectedly soft. Dan's eyes moved from the bike up to Phil's, before he nodded, almost to himself. Well, if he was gonna die he might as well do it with his arms around a hot guy.

  
"Alright fine, but if you murder me, you're dead." Phil just smiled at Dan, with that contagious, endearing, goofy smile where his tongue poked out between his teeth, and Dan melted inside. He’d never seen Phil like this. Dan wasn't sure exactly what he was expecting Phil to be like after all his fantasizing and hoping, but it definitely wasn't this. This goofy, spontaneous, caring boy.

 

It didn't matter anymore, though. Dan liked this Phil a lot. He watched Phil, in awe of the way his lanky body moved. He grabbed the black helmet off the seat, Dan watched his face as he fit the helmet onto Dan's head. He looked really cute concentrating so hard on doing the chin strap. This gave Dan an amazing close up of Phil’s striking face. His nose was a little crooked, and Dan could maybe see the littlest bit of ginger roots in Phil’s quiff, little crinkles around his eyes, and a couple of little freckles scattered around his cheeks. He was the most beautiful sight Dan had ever seen. It took his breath away. He watched Phil’s pink lips part slightly in his concentration, and Phil suddenly stuck his tongue out at Dan when he noticed him staring.

  
"There! Can't let anything happen to that pretty little head," he said, playfully tapping the side of the helmet. He turned and threw his leg over the bike and started it up without another word. Dan bit his lip as he watched, and it was probably the hottest thing he had ever witnessed in his life. God, Phil had no idea what he did to Dan.

  
"Well?"

  
"What about _your_ head?" So maybe Dan was stalling. Phil looked like he knew exactly what Dan was up to.

  
"I just won't crash, I'll be fine. It's weird shaped anyway." Phil looked at him expectantly. And hell, if this wasn’t what Dan had come to this party for in the first place. He climbed onto the back of the bike, and wrapped his arms around Phil's middle in the least awkward way he could .

  
"You ready?" Phil asked over the engine. Dan squeezed with his arms as a yes, and suddenly they were rocketing off into the night.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked!!! Tell me in the comments!!!!!
> 
> come talk to me on tumblr!!!!!! danhasacrushonphil


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